Skulduggery Pleasant What it's taught us
by IWatchTVStaticAndThinkIt'sFun
Summary: 88 things the first Skulduggery Pleasant book has taught us. Idea related to 88 things Twilight has taught us. No offence intended. No claim on the idea, just the contents. Disclaimer, I don't own the SP series no matter how much I wish I do, R&R!XD
1. 110

**(A/N: Hi! So I got this idea from 88 things twilight has taught us. I hope you like it. Read & Review. Flames welcome. Be warned, most of content is laced with sarcasm.)**

88 things Skulduggery Pleasant has taught us.

1. The one thing Skulduggery CAN NOT, and I repeat, CAN NOT live without is his hat. (Yay, black mail leverage.....)

2. APPARANTLY, and I can't be sure but, APPARANTLY Tanith Low's catchphrase is come and have a go if you think you're hard enough. I can't be sure though. (They only mention it about five times in the book so I'm just guessing here. Don't kill me if I'm wrong.)

3. If you want to get away from a vampire that sheds it's skin (like a snake) the best way, you are noting this down right?, is to throw yourself off a building.

4. Just a tip, if you are facing the possible end of the world and you need to lock up the house be sure to get yourself killed and leave an horrible relative this beige brooch. I'm sure a really good detective will figure it out in the end that you just want your front door closed, don't worry. (Don't worry it really works! And if it doesn't come back in a week and we'll give you a refund of the ugly brooch!*mutters to self* hope they don't realise they will be dead by then....)

5. The best way to react against you not getting all the riches from a family member to a thirteen year old is to squeak like a mouse, and then maybe the girl will get scared and forget about it!

6. Tailor. New and improved, one glance is all it takes to get you measured up and don't worry! I'm sure, no positive, that grudge he has against you will be gone in four days.

7. Me: I'm going to go off fighting criminals now mum!

Mum: Okay, but wait, won't you get hurt?

Me: Don't worry mum, I have black clothes to protect me.

8. Didn't your mother ever tell you playing with fire is dangerous? You might discover you need to wash and then where would you be? All other the place, trust me.

9. Tanith: So how's the magic coming along?  
Stephanie: This morning I moved a shell!

Tanith: Few, we'll be okay then. Serpine will be so dazzled with a levitating shell he won't see Skulduggery's fist coming. The world is saved!

10. Mr Bliss, every home should have one! But be warned if you want to punch him I hope you don't mind punching something made out of bricks. I'm not kidding. Mr Bliss was a mutant child. The cement mixer and his mum got busy during the night. And don't even LET me start on how China was made!

**(A/N: Good? Bad? Let me know!)**


	2. 11 21

**(A/N: Hi! Turns out ppl actually READ this fic XD**

**SO big thanx to **Dark Eco Angel **,** YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff, evaernst, raider14

**R&R) **

Chapter two

1. There is a big possibility Stephanie/Valkyrie might, just MIGHT, know that Skullduggery is a skeleton. Can't be sure though…..

2. Valkyrie Pop Quiz

Name: Valkyrie Cain

Hobbies: Staring at people.

3. Beryl: Do you have something wrong with your face?

No Beryl, Skulduggery's hair is really a wig substitute from a clown's horror movie! And the hat, sunglasses, coat and scarf? He feels the cold a lot and his eyes are sensitive to the sun! You didn't buy that? Fine the truth is he's a living skeleton. Yeah, pretty cool huh? Wait, what are you doing with that straightjacket? You think I'm nuts? _You_ are the reason Tinker Bell's sister died? MURDERER!

4. The phrase 'Driving me up the wall.' Is apparently very accurate in Tanith's case.

5. The thing Skulduggery misses the most out of living? Is his _hair. _Yup, you read it right. _Hair._ How vain can ya' get?

6. Yeah, Valkyrie/Stephanie Skulduggery really wants to demonstrate his Earth powers, his favorites past time is talking to worms!

7. Do you think Skulduggery might be related to Valkyrie' head master? They both seem to like being late for appointments. Even important ones like wills…..

8. Note this down. The best cuss of all time. "You have big ears.' That's definitely what you should say to get the bad guy off your back!

9. Skulduggery: You cheated – sulkily –

Valkyrie: -stubbornly- did not.

Skulduggery: You used the scepter to see if I was there!

Valkyrie: Did not. Word of advice, Skulduggery, don't let one go whilst playing hide and seek.

10. When killing Nefraine Serpine he requests you do so whilst reciting poetry.

**(A/N: Took me ages to do this one. It's going to get harder. Read and Review if you want virtual cupcakes!)**


	3. 22 32

**(A/N: Okay, I'm freaking out. This chapter is completely dedicated to YOU LythiaHarpen you rock my world. Guys who don't know what I'm talking about is Lythia has added me to her Author faves &story alerts AND reviewed. Love ya Lyth.... R&R)**

1. Skulduggery is the new Jesus! He walked on water guys! C'mon that's pretty impressive.

2. Valkyrie/Stephanie is definitely one of Skulduggery's best partners. I mean, come on, she thought to threaten his hat! Not many people would think of that!

3. Don't try to hide it Tanith, we know your sword is your only friend. Be PROUD of it Tanith. Be PROUD.

4. Its decided. Valkyrie/Stephanie's parents are the most gullible people in the world. I mean come on, a house full of Gordon's darkest work and no, of course Valkyrie/Stephanie wouldn't even dream of reading it, she's reading the dictionary.

5. Oh and Popple is a word apparently. Sure Val/Steph we believe you. We have complete faith.

6. Serpine is also very gullible. My evidence? And I quote;

'This is your last chance. Tell me where the key is.' Never heard of a little word called _please _Serpine?

'OK.' Did you seriously believe him Serpine? I expected better of you.

'No, only joking. Do your worst.' Now it says he laughs but you can tell he's totally crying on the inside.

7. The latest accessory. Hollow men flesh is a very good look for your hair. As so beautifully modelled by Tanith Low.

8. '_I _didn't kill them!' Okay, I don't know how to break this to you Tome, honey. But, okay deep breath oxygen is still your friend remember that, if it's not letting Serpine through and the only thing to weaken the barrier is killing you, well he's kind of gonna. Kill you that is. You are gullible as well. Wow, I might need to start a list if there's even more people.

9. I want to kill people by just pointing at them! Hmm, how to do that... I know! I'll paint my hand red! Yes, that's sure to work. –points at someone- damn, didn't work. Um, why is the world going black. Ah, good. Light. I'm going into it now and I'm dead. Oh man. How come it works in all the movies! RIP OFF!

10. Oh no Serpine is after the book of names! Damn, the world is lost. The book is the most powerful thing out there. I mean, it has its own PEDASTAL. Yup, it is definitely a thing of power.

**(A/N: I don't think that was my best but there ya go. That was for you LythiaHarpen. And as I told Lyth I'll be doing this for the rest of the series, which is why I haven't been mentioning the other characters which we meet later on. Sorry for the confusion. Read and Review. You shall get virtual Pancakes!)**


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**(A/N: So this chapter is dedicated to Dark Eco Angel. You are awesome BTW. Here ya go.)**

Chapter 4, 31 – 40

1.'What are you doing?'

'I don't know. Probably something very brave.'

Yep, guys you heard right. Skulduggery can predict the future!

2. If you want to be an Elemental be warned. Don't wave at people. It makes them fly into walls. Try story.

3. I know why Cleavers can't speak! They had their tongue cut off. Yup, it's true. I can see the headlines now........... 'Cleavers speech mystery solved, great weakness is missing tongue.....' Yup, definitely a seller.

4. Guy 1 – Hey is that water meant to be flying? Does it usually fly.

Guy 2 – Don't worry about it, in the book it says were not supposed to notice it.

Guy 1 – Oh, okay. That explains so much.

5. Ah, Valkyrie. Sweet innocent Valkyrie. You know the Bentley would be very offended if it could read your thoughts about your nickname for Skulduggery's back up car. Canary and Ben are married you know.

6. 'I don't know what you'd do without me, Skulduggery. I really don't.'

Ya, 'cause obviously China you saved all their lives. They would have DIED if you weren't there to give them a lift. China, you – you have saved us all.

7. The one thing you can count on Valkyrie is that – deep breath – she always tells the truth!

'Are you sulking now?'

'Yes.'

'OK.'

8. Is just me or is it plainly obvious China was flirting with Skulduggery in the books so far? Yup, I thought not.

9. 'I'd better get my last guess right then eh? Is it........ Rumplestilskin?' No? Dammm... I was so sure as well! Man, this is not my day.

10. 'Stephanie that's not a vine.'

'What? What is it then?' God Val, how dumb can ya get? It's a snake, duh!

**(A/N: There you are. Read & review for the virtual muffins.)**


	5. 44 54

**(A/N: OMG, I am SOOO sorry! I have completely and utterly neglected this story! Although ma mum confiscating my laptop might be a part of it... This one's for Violet-Raynee. Here's the Billy Ray bashing I promised you ;D. Enjoy.)**

**Disclaimer – Don't own it but love it.**

**41 – 50**

some ways Billy Ray Sanguine' way of transport is the most eco friendly. So peoples, be a bit more like Billy Ray and we might still have grass!

2. Skulduggery's analogy to China's nature – the scorpion stings the fox. Is it just me or is he calling China a bug? Ooh boy she will not like that. Also – a fox? He's calling himself a fox now. I know I've said it before but VAINN!

3. Let's do a quick vote. If you'd been there when Billy Ray stuck his head above the ground raise your hand if you would have kicked it. One, two, twenty three, ninety seven... Okay it's a majority. Billy Ray's head would now be needing plastic surgery.

4. Remember Gordon's will? He said a storm would be coming. He never told anyone but he never wanted to be an author. No. He wanted and always will want to be a weather forecaster! 

5. Am I the only one who has no idea what insubscdinate means? Reference page 153.

6. Want to know if your sister is really your sister? No problem. The quickest way would be to check if you have the same eye colour...

7. If you want to know who Skulduggery is in that oh so handy crowd of other skeleton detectives check for the one whistling 'The Girl From Ipomoea.'

8. 'Got a good text message.'

'Ah...'

Again with being gullible!

9. 'I'm not mad.' A bit more being gullible thrown on the side there for you!

10. 'We need to strike now!' Morwenna cried. Okay, am I the only one who finds it hard to take someone with a name like Morwenna seriously? No? Didn't think so...

**(A/N: Again, SO sorry. But I hope you don't hold it against me and R&R!"**


	6. NEW PENNAME!

Hi guys! It's Twilightgal4life here. Just telling you I've changed my pennames. It now read IWatchTVStaticAndThinkIt'sFun. Hope it doesn't inconvenience you. Yours, faithfully. TVStatic.


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**(A/N: Hii! So this is the next chapter. I'm sorry for all the people that thought the last one was a chapter but thank you to the one person who reviewed it any way:D)**

**55-65**

1.  
Skulduggery: You are wise beyond your years, Valkyrie.

Val: Yes, yes I am.

I know I've said it before but Valkyrie always tells the truth.

2.  
She also always states the obvious.

"People are staring.

3.  
And then Skulduggery blows her off.

Skulduggery: Are they? So they are! Good for them.

4.  
Valkyrie: This is Sammy Skeleton the worlds' worst detective.

Ah bet she just got so many kicks out of saying that!

5.  
Val: If someone got their hands on that they'd be able to rule the world. And I felt ridiculous even saying that.

Don't worry Val, you looked ridiculous too. :D

6.  
Valkyrie: I don't have time. And I've never had patience.

Never a truer word have you ever uttered Valkyrie dear.

7.  
The Cleavers are the best apparently. They run around their opponents to make them dizzy and fall over according to Valkyrie. Well that's the type of fate she wants Serpine to have.

8.  
Skulduggery is annoying in a way. I mean where other people says 'Run' he goes and says 'Flee' which puts into head a picture of a performing flea circus.

9.  
Ghastly is a bad man. He stole his scissors from Mr Candy cane

10.  
Cleavers show off. A lot.

**(Sorry about the last two but I had no idea what to write so I made up random ones:DDD Any ways... review or be tickled by the tickling feather of doom.)**


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**(A/N: Okay, I know it's been THREE MONTHS since I last updated so prepare for grovelling. *Gets down on knees* I am SO so so so sorry that I haven't updated and I promise that I wasn't neglecting this story. I was just sort of ignoring it for a while. Any ways, nothing has changed I still don't own Skulduggery Pleasant although I do own five of DL's books SIGNED! Ya, I'm just lucky. Whichever reviewer that I still have read and review!(please...)**

67-77

1. Val – He's kind of scary.

Skulduggery – That happens when you rarely smile. Mr Bliss is , physically the most powerful individual on the face of the planet. His strength is beyond legendary.

Val- So he _is_ scary?

No duh, Valkyrie! Thanks for not so subtly stating the obvious.

2. Ghastly- Magic then?

Val- You can _inject _magic?

No, Ghastly just said that for the sake of it. God, get with the programme Val!

3. Val- My leg will be fine

Skulduggery- And my ego will flourish

Skulduggery, no offence, but is there enough room for your ego to flourish any more than it already has?

4. Skulduggery- Don't be jealous of my genius

Don't worry Skulduggery, we're not. *Smiles innocently*

5. Skulduggery: On the bright side, the Sanctuary has a new and interesting addition to their Hall Of Statues.

Val- Do they _have _a Hall Of Statues?

Skulduggery- Well, no. But now that they've got a statue, maybe they'll start.

Your logic astounds me, Skulduggery

6. Skulduggery- How are you?

Val- Me? I'm fine

Liar

Skulduggery- Really? No nightmares?

Val- Maybe one or two

Pssh, wimp.

7. Val- China betrayed us too, it must run in the family

Val! I'm shocked at you! Really, you should have known better. That's probably very personal. You know, with his mum and dad being dark God worshipers and all.

8. Tanith- Coat

Val- What?

Tanith- *ignores and rips Val's coat off and jumps through glass*

Me- *mutters under breath* Rude...

Val- Easy boy

Vamp: *snarls*

Me-That's his way of saying he's not a dog, Val.

Val- Pssh, I knew that.

Me-*mutters* yea, right

9. Val- Very probably

That sentence didn't even make sense.

10. Skulduggery- Where was I?

Val- I have no idea

Skulduggery- Oh, yes my cunning plan

Nice to know you don't have a big opinion of yourself or anything.

**(A/N: Next chapters the last guys! Then I'll put up at some point, What Skulduggery Pleasant, Playing With Fire Has Taught Us. Which is the sequel. Anyways, read and review!)**


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